Spiders

I Hate Them.

For the love, I hate spiders. I know, some you people will say that they do good things like kill unwanted bugs like mosquitoes, but I still hate them. Even watching Charlotte's Web didn't change my mind, I will forever and always hate them. I once pepper sprayed a spider on my door handle to my apartment. Once a spider bit my cat and she had to get treatment, it was determined that was a brown recluse spider, and I never found it. I didn't sleep for days. Clearly sometimes your only option is to burn the house down. Just calmly walk away and burn it with fire! 

My latest adventure with a spider was entertaining to say the least. I'm sure that if it was filmed it would have won 100,000 dollars on America's Funniest Home Videos (yes I still watch that show, child of the 90s hello)! For the record, I am single and I will not use this blog to talk about that part of my life, but here is the one time when I will. I need one of those husband things that people keep pressuring, I mean telling, me about solely for the purposes of killing the spiders. Because when you live by yourself and you have to handle said creature of evil, things get tricky. 

So I'm home after a fairly long day, and I'm sitting in my recliner watching Netflix and then I see it. The spider. On the ceiling. It was the size of my face. Okay maybe not big, but whatever it's my story I can tell it however I want too. At first I screamed. Then I grabbed a broom to get it off the ceiling so I could kill it. I hit the creature of evil with the broom and it fell on my head and was in my hair. IT WAS IN MY HAIR!! When it landed on my head I threw the broom that was in my hand, the broom that I intended to use to beat the thing with, it was now no where in my reach. At this point I'm jumping up and down and screaming. I shake the spider out of my hair, and then it was on the floor. I was barefoot so stepping on it was not an option. I grabbed the only thing that I had within reach. A lamp. I killed a spider with a lamp. I picked it up and used the base of the lamp to kill it. This all happened in about 30 seconds, but it felt like an hour. For the Love, I immediately took a shower and washed my hair five times, because you know for the .5 seconds that spider could have laid eggs in my hair.